It's a beautiful day!!!!

To start off with Ken had his heart cath last Wednesday.  We had sent the kids off to school with kisses and suitcases.  The doctor came in before the test and once again prepared us that he knew Ken had blockage and probably would be taken straight to the hospital.  I waited for about 35 minutes and the doctor came in and sat down beside me.  He said Ken's heart was weak and he wasn't quite sure why, but he had no blockage!  I just sat there with no reaction.  He started rubbing my back and asked if I was OK?  I told him you had me so prepared for bad news I don't know how to react to good news!  They found out during the pretests that his thyroid is way out of whack so they will begin treating that this Thursday in addition to some diabetic med tweaks.  We go back to the heart doctor in a month and he may start on some meds to help strengthen his heart but that will be all.

He had to stay down a couple of days from the heart cath and on the second day the bandage had to be removed.  In the morning he said rip it off then decided to wait till later.  The tube is run to the heart from an incision in the artery in the groin so he was not looking forward to the removal.  When he was finally ready later in the day I bent down to rip it off and did a great quick job.  He yelled and I looked up and blood was everywhere.  It seems the shock had caused him to punch himself in the nose and get a bloody nose.  Good thing men don't need bikini waxes!  He inserted some rolled up toilet paper in his nose and sat down for me to take his blood pressure.  He had a sweatshirt on and when I went to push it up his arm my hands slipped and I punched him in the side of the face!  What a day!  Then to top it off I gave him a medicine I was to hold because of the heart cath.  Had to call the doctor and say "I think I just killed my husband."  He assured me one dose wouldn't hurt him.    


Yesterday he had body scans which he hasn't had since before the kidney removal to see if the chemo and surgery had helped the lungs.  This morning we had an appointment at 8:50.  They took us straight in and by 9:40 we were going crazy waiting for the doctor.  We kept hearing him walk around and heard him on the phone saying "sorry to bother you."  Ken finally broke me down and I boarded the worry train, sweaty palms and all.  Dr Code finally came in and said immediately "everything looks good."  He apologized for the delay but there was some kind of mix up and he had to track down the radiologist himself on the phone for the scan results.  He said he was worried Ken would have run by then!  He went  on to explain that the tumors in his lungs had shrunk 50 percent and there were no new growths!!!  He said he would have been happy with just no growth so this was wonderful news.  So for now we stay on the same chemo treatment and get a little time to breath.  Ken is ecstatic to say the least.  He told the doctor he would go home and clean the house and the doctor told him not to go crazy on him.

Thanks for all the support and prayers!

Love,
Christina

Are You There God????

Once again we have been hit with bad news.  Ken had heart tests done last Friday and we received a call from the cardiologist today.  His tests all came back abnormal and they suspect blockage.  He is scheduled for bloodwork on Monday and heart cath on Wednesday.  Most likely he will be taken directly from cath to surgery.  Surprisely, that is what we are hoping for.  If the blockage is too severe we will have to sit down with doctors and evaluate our options since his other health problems will complicate the situation.

I am trying to plaster a smile on my face as every looks at me but inside my heart is breaking.  I am so tired and overwhelmed.  Can this really be happening to my family?  How much is one family to handle at a given time?  Please keep us in your thoughts and prayers and cherish each moment with your family.

Love,
Christina

Where are the bushes when you need them???

Glad it's Friday!  My younger two have not been on their best behavior this week.  Little Kenny decided to throw one of his never ending crying fits because he didn't want to do homework.  Being the responsible parent I am, I took away his XBOX and TV which only made the fit worse.  By this time I decided I had no choice but to lock his butt outside in the backyard until he could get it together!  It only took a few minutes for him to knock to come back in.  Guess I'd better not go on Dr. Phil!

To my parenting defense I had a pretty stressful week.  Ken's insurance company decided to drop the ball with his COBRA and cancelled him on Wed. with all his heart tests scheduled for Fri.  Thank goodness I have been working with a sweet social worker through Anthem and she called to tell me he showed cancelled in the computer.  After a few heated calls it appears to be fixed.  It was misplaced paperwork between his past employer and Anthem.  Never mind they cashed my three 500.00 checks!  Good think we don't have a swear jar at our house.  My kids would be rich this week!

Ken's heart tests were scheduled for this morning.  He wasn't allowed to take any medication before and therefore, of course, his nausea set in during the night.  Before leaving he managed to christen both bathrooms.  The way to the doctor was an adventure.  Needless to say there are no bushes in the middle of the road.  At one point Ken is hanging out of the car and the light turns green.  He can't stop and if I drive he is falling out!  I just turned on my hazards and sat there.  Thank goodness all the people driving around us were nice and nobody honked.  Hopefully, people entering the bank on Bardstown Road watched their step this morning also.  We did arrive and spent most of the day enduring tests.  He passed the treadmill which I think is a very good thing.  The tech said his left side is not beating hard enough but we already knew that.  We call on Tuesday for results and God willing another pill will fix the problem.

Its funny how I tend to loose my composure at the weirdest times.  I was sitting in the waiting room and they told me it would be at least 3 hours before I could see him.  I sat there trying to read a book and tears just started streaming down my face.  This was the first time I hadn't been right by his side through anything!  Just when I thought I was going to start the nasty cry they came and got me and said he kept asking so I could come in the waiting room with him between tests.  I don't know what it matters but just sitting next to each other comforts us both.

Looking forward to a long peaceful weekend.  We will see how that works for me!

Love,
Christina

Not So Fast....

Ken saw the cancer doctor last Tuesday and everything appeared to be great.  We walked out feeling light hearted and then received a call the next day his bloodwork was off.  He was given the choice of 14 days of oral meds or a 2 hour iv session.  He elected for the oral meds of course!  Everything seemed great for the first couple days then when the weekend arrived so did the side affects.  He began vomitting etc.  Unfortunately our first soccer meeting was Saturday morning, and he had been so looking forward to coaching.  He drug himself there and plastered a smile on his face and  gave his little orientation.  Thank goodness a good friend is his assistant coach and covered for him when he had to hide in the bushes for a little vomit session.  You just have to laugh!  We escaped I think without anyone seeing.  Today he seems better.  If he is not 100 percent tomorrow we are heading in for the iv.  We've learned our lesson and will take the long iv session next time which will end up shorter in the long run.  It seems just when he feels better he gets hit with a change that throws him off mentally and physcially.  The cancer doctor said he needs to find a hobby or something he enjoys doing to help his mental state.  He was a little grumpy last week as anyone in our local Walmart could tell you.  We were yelling at each other like lunatics until I directed him to the sale on new attitudes in aile 7. 

Mom's hair started falling out last weekend and by Monday she looked pretty rough.  I had to shave the rest off.  She looks very cute in her bandanas!  Second chemo session was last Thursday and she seems to be holding up much better this time.

Friday is the heart test so prayers that he passes with flying colors. 

Love,

Christina

Where do I begin....Mom had her first chemo treatment and a rough week plus after.  They added some new medications and she seemed to be on the upswing just in time for her hair to start falling out and nose bleeds.  As usual we continue to make jokes and help each other through with shared laughter.  It seems just when her strength picked up its back next Thursday for another treatment.

Ken's days have been up and down.  The past week has been great but last week was tough.  We added the cardiologist to our list of doctors.  It seems Ken's heart doesn't squeeze enough drops of blood each time.  The doctor said he needs treatment but try not to worry.  He has a stress test and eco cardiogram Sept. 2nd.  In the meantime he was put on a new medication which he had a hard time adjusting too.  Once again the vomiting and dizziness returned.  The boys turned 18 on Tuesday and Ken struggled the entire day.  I begged him to go to emergency but he can be so stubborn!  He insisted on attending the birthday dinner and was only able to stay through meal ordering and had to be taken home.  Thank goodness the boy's friend since they were 4 flew in from CA to spend their 18th birthdays together.  The boys were in their own world and didn't even notice all the commotion.  We came back to the house for cake and they went to a late movie and had a great birthday.

I think the stress finally caught up with me this week and a summer cold got hold of me.  A few sleepless nights and a couple Kleenex boxes later I'm coming back to life.  The kids started school Wednesday and everyone is happy!  Thank God for small miracles.

We see the cancer doctor next Tuesday so prayers that current treatment is doing its job!

Love,
Christina

Today I took my baby boys to register for Senior year which was very emotional.  Life goes on in the midst of all the chaos.  Ken had his lasor surgery today and all went well.  He doesn't go back to the eye specialist until November to see if it worked.  The doctor added another blood pressure medication which seems to finally have things under control.  His current pill count is up to 14 per day and he has no idea what he takes haha.  His biggest worry currently is that the chemo has turned his facial hair white.  He is grieving a bit but I keep telling him that if his hair turns white maybe he can get a senior citizen discount. I'm always looking for the silver lining.

Sometimes during the day I forget the word cancer.  Then there are times like the other morning when things were so crazy and I thought to myself I can't even say well at least we are all healthy.  But then in the same moment of self pity I thought but at least everyone is still here and we are a family. There are so many people  alone in this world.  Ken and I talk nightly about how this experience has shown us how loved we are by so many people. 

Mom begins chemo on Thursday.  She is very nervous  I keep assuring her we will make it through.  We are strong!  I have always believed there is a God and my faith has been stronger at different points during my life but I have to say that I could not function daily without faith.  Faith that someone is there holding me up and giving me the ability to stay strong for everyone else.  I wonder why I am being given so much to deal with then I realize it's because I have been given so much. I have a wonderful husband, children, family and friends.  You know who you are and I love you dearly for the texts, phone calls, cards, meals, childcare, shopping etc.

Ca Va Bien,
Christina

Quick Update

Sorry I have written.  Last Monday we went and saw Ken's primary care doctor and everything looked good except for his blood pressure which was high.  She added a new medicine and has increased it since then too.  Waiting till end of the week to see if she needs to change type again.  On a positive not his sugar level is good and is heart murmur is gone.  She couldn't quite figure it out but we are just happy!  Mom also went to the doctor on Monday and will be doing chemo and radiation through the end of this year.  Most likely she will start next week.  Just took her drainage tube out yesterday.

Tuesday we went to see the eye specialist and he said he was very glad we came in or Ken would have gone blind.  His diabetes has caused him to have bleeding in the vessels that feed the eyes.  Both eyes are affected.  He had laser surgery yesterday and did awesome.  He has it again next Tuesday and then we wait to see if it works.  I made the mistake of asking him about steroid treatment because it talked about it on his website.  He told us if this treatment didn't work they would shoot steroids directly into the eye not orally.  Slapped myself for asking that question when I saw Ken's face!  Prayers it works!!!

Friday we saw the cancer doctor, Dr. Code.  He always opens the door looks in and smiles when he sees Ken actually came to his own appointment.  He examined Ken and then asked if he was having any trouble breathing.  Ken immediately sat up straight and said "why, am I supposed to".  Dr. Code just laughed and commented there is the anxious attitude he loves.  His preliminary blood work looked good and they called on Monday and said everything appeared fine except for a trace of bacteria.  Dr. Code is on vacation but they said it could wait till he returned, so we are not worrying about that!  We ordered another round of chemo and scheduled another doctor visit in a month and scans again in 2 months.  The scans will tell if the drug is working.

Kids are all fine and preparing for school thanks to my shopping angels.  The Rose meals on wheels program still delivers on rough days too.  I am constantly amazed at how much love and support we receive daily.

Ca Va Bien,
Christina

Ups and Downs

Well we managed a small trip to Sam's on Tuesday.  I think we've figured out the drastic change in temperature sets him off.  He became nauseous on the way but by the time we arrived felt a little better.  He decided to come in with me and I convinced him to use the motorized wheelchair.  It was the most fun he'd
had in a long time.  I shopped and he buzzed up and down the isles without me and with a big smile on his face!  Wednesday and Thursday nights he again woke up sick. 

Thursday I spent 3 hours on the computer and an hour on the phone the previous day applying for disability.  They called me at 8:15 Friday morning with more questions and asked me to bring a signed medical release to their office that day.  The worker was extremely nice and said she was trying to get a fast response for us and if so we could expect our first check in January, SERIOUSLY!!!  Our system is wonderful.  Ken decided to ride to the Social Security office with me.  I left him in the parked running car while I ran in.  I came out and the car was gone.  I looked around and saw the car parked somewhere else and didn't see him sitting in the passenger seat.  I ran over panicked and he was sitting in the driver's seat.  He had thrown up out his door and moved the car so nobody would see him.  Never a dull moment!  I managed to sneak away a couple of hours for the first time and visit at the pool with a couple of friends. We sat in the shade and talked.  It was soooo nice.

Friday afternoon I decided to take a new approach.  Broke out the Better Crocker cancer cookbook.  It has a section on chemo side affects.  I made some nausea fighting banana bread, fed him grilled cheese and sugar free Popsicles for dinner.  He slept the first night all night long without getting sick and waking up!  I felt like a new mom checking on him like he was sleeping through the night for the first time.  Hopefully, Saturday night will be a repeat!

Today is Saturday.  Ken and Patty are sitting on the couch dancing, Jordan is with Sydney, Jared is getting ready for work and Sydney and Kenny are swimming with their friends and my angel moms.  I'm getting some cleaning and laundry done.  Just another mundane day at the Rose house.

Ca Va Bien,
Christina

A glimmer of light

     Last night was a good night.  We kept waking up waiting for the side affects but nothing happened!  We are going to try to venture out into the sunlight today.  Ken has been pretty weak so he goes mainly from the bed to the recliner.  I know he is frustrated but has come to the conclusion that going back to work full-time is not an option right now while his body is trying to adjust to chemo.
     The kids continue to be kids with their skipping chore duty and constant bickering but somehow that brings normalcy to our life at this point.  Thank goodness for those who call and remind me of things that need to be done this summer for the boys like summer reading books and senior picture dates.  Ken and I have both been overwhelmed by the outpouring of love from friends and family.  Many of the posts I read from other families in our situation complain how friends vanish because that can't deal or don't know what to say.  Our friends don't ask they just DO!!!
      Mom is recovering from her mastectomy and hopefully her drain will be removed soon and her strength will build up again before chemo starts.  I run back and forth between our houses doing whatever I need to for Patty and mom and then back home for Ken.  My grief counselor has said I have moved from shock stage to survival stage which appears is a good think.  My coined phrase of "I'm fine" has been disallowed by my cousin.  She has created ca va bien which is I'm fine in french.  Most days I function on auto pilot until something small  sets me off and releases the waterworks.

Ca Va Bien,
Christina

The Day Our Life Changed Forever

     I've decided after many different things that a blog is the easiest way to keep everyone informed and clear my mind at the same time.  I will start by giving a brief history of the last few months.  Ken had been feeling ill for awhile but the doctor thought it was his diabetes.   However, after watching him dizzy walk from his car one day I accompanied him to the doctor.  She scheduled blood tests and discovered that his hemoglobin was 7 and he need a transfusion.  We were sent to a blood specialist afterwards because the thinking was he had a blood disorder.  Upon examination the doctor said he heard a hollow sound but said only 20% of the time was it anything serious.  So, for a week I did my cheerlearder interpretation that everything would be fine.  The first few moments of the next doctor visit will forever live in my mind.  He walked in and said "I have bad news, it's cancer, incurable kidney cancer".  At that point I heard nothing else, the room began spinning and I kept begging to be woke up from a bad dream.  Finally, I asked the doctor to give us a few minutes because nothing was processing.  Ken and I spent a few minutes together crying and trying to make sense of it all.  The doctor returned and scheduled our next few days with tests.  Luckily, he only had spots on his lungs and the tumor in his kidney and no place else.  He underwent another transfusion and the removal of a nerf football tumor which included the removal of his left kidney.  Last Saturday he started oral chemo which he will take the rest of his life. They have made alot of advancements in kidney cancer over the last five years so luckily there are several different types.  We changed from the original choice after finding his heart is beating a little slow for some reason, cardiologist scheduled in August.  He has had an up and down week with side affects and just when we think our night parties are over, suprise!
     I want to thank everyone for the calls, texts and emails.  It seems just when I think I'm going to break I receive one.  We both can't express how loved we feel.  With all the struggles we still feel blessed in many ways.
     Just a side note since I live in a fog most days no comments on spelling or punctuation!

Living For Today,
Christina